transparency

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Shuggie. You probably don’t realize it, but the only reason I’m not a wreck is because of how you’ve handled this whole thing. Thank you. If I ever have any way to help you (in my power), I will, you can count on it.

Today was pretty alright, did nothing in most of my classes (alright!) and got my Mini Gusto sorted out- I’m working for the Avis (a local newspaper) for a week, which’ll be fine and dandy. Sort of looking forward to it.
Also, also, um…um okay, I actually did have something to write about but it flew away as soon as I reached for it. I tend to have thoughts like that quite often, as my head is full of tiny holes and things are pretty prone to sloshing out.
Pft.
Angstwise, I am coping somehow with my soap-opera of a love life: here, let me paraphrase it for you:
My long-time crush suddenly starts dating my best friend, sending me into irrational amounts of shock. Then one of the guys I started to fall for decided he was gay, and the other one suddenly got a significant other with no prior warning. And Jamesey is an android.
I kind of hate my luck with this requited love shindig. I’m not very good at it, obviously, but I hope that changes soon. Maybe in Paris (despite the horrible ratio) I’ll get a guy who doesn’t care about all the things I’ve done wrong. That’d be nice, I suppose. But I’m not expecting anything- stuff like the above can do that. I don’t expect anything special.
And the concept’s nice, but is not going to happen, so why should I even care?
And the apathy attacks.

Will write more later, maybe.

forks and knives

Dammit Zach Condon, you make me feel all drowsy and European. I am lying under the covers of my bed, still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but In The Mausoleum is sapping all my energy. I don’t want to move.
“Berlin is so ugly in the morning light,” he sings. Is that true? When you wake up, shaking off the glory of the previous night, any city is ugly. Every city is its own story, whether stained with crime and corruption or lifted with culture. But there’s always a time in the day in any city where you feel a deep, crushing melancholy. In New York, it’s around four in the afternoon, when you realize you haven’t done anything but walk around all day hoping to find something unique and exciting, but instead your feet are sore and the bum across the subway car is mumbling rambling phrases to yourself. In Paris, it’s about midnight (or the first time you walk into Notre Dame), you realize how insignificant, how small you are. In new Orleans it’s a bit after four in the morning, when you trudge back to your hotel room and pass the people cleaning up from the night’s festivities.
I embrace the melancholy.
“it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile and put away my fright to thse morning light”
I felt the melancholy today, about five minutes into my art class. I sat there, staring at the squid scratched into the zinc, and wondered about truths of our existence.
It is painful to think about those sorts of things, isn’t it? It makes you feel so small, so insignificant and tiny. I occasionally find myself crying when thinking those things, but I do it anyway because I would like to know, kind of. I think it would terrify me, drive me crazy if I knew, but I am insatiable in my thirst for knowledge.

Thank you, Flying Club Cup, for helping me deal with these mental processes. It’s been a while since I’ve just freewritten like this.
‘night.

try to focus on the third eye

Title is from the song Temple Pressure by Alvin Band, it is like an Animal Collective expy except he does not use any instruments besides his voice. It is electroacapella! AWESOME.

So. Today was just jam-packed with nonsensical happenings: I did stuff! I walked places! I used Rayquan as an armrest (he is the perfect height for armresting, I hope he doesn’ t grow until after I leave)!

AND HERE ARE SOME POEMS, BECAUSE TOPICS ARE FAILING ME ATM:
===================================

into the deep

we fall/
straight down
know not where
/and we will never land

through stratospheres and windy pastures

until/I wake
and
you push me/
i fall again—/

==

waves lapping over our souls
you turned to me, quiet, sincere
and planted a sticky kiss on my cheek

i didn’t move to wipe it away
in that moment i was paralyzed
subcutaneous breakers sending
white foam over my nerves

==

underneath the verdant skin
underneath the brown dirt
there is life.
rolling and flowing
beneath our feet,
it connects our hearts
with so many thin wires

electricity flowing
or something else
more intimate and sharp

we cannot see this energy
but yes, the feel is there
running through our veins
so many tiny shocks
dancing and dancing.

=====================

I keep telling myself I need to write more, but the spark has bled (kudos to anyone who gets that reference) and I’m out of creativity. Third quarter apathy can do that to a body, it really can. Hopefully I’ll get some ideas over Spring Break and will be able to pass them on to YOUUU!

Ffffffffff, things could be better.

On the plus side, though, I found today that I have pretty much memorized all the lyrics to “The Past Is A Grotesque Animal”, which  is quite an achievement as that song is eleven minutes long. Haha! Kevin Barnes, I can do it! Now let me design the cover for False Priest!

Speaking of which, False Priest is their next album, coming out probably at the end of the year. I like how they’re doing the titles of them: they all come from this lyric in Fauberge Falls For Shuggie: “Skeletal lamping/false priest/the controllosphere/oooOOOhh!”

Baah out of things to write about.

Later.

don’t hold yourself like that

How am I feeling? Pretty goddamned crappy, that’s how. I want to explode into a pile of goo.
I told my mom about my Chem test, how I’d done very well on it but it only raised my grade a point. I mentioned that my grade is currently a 78. This is very good for Chem, but mummy dearest flipped a shit and insisted that I do better, as I am apparently the “smartest kid in the class.”
Uh-huh.
So now I’ve got my mother hounding my apathetic ass, as well as having to take about three abso-fuckin-lutely wonderful tests this week. Awesome. Junior year pretty much sucks. Hopefully I can get my grade up to an 80 by the end of this week in Chem. Two friggin’ points- 2 friggin’ points! I should be able to do this, g’dammit!

On the lighter side (I am still resounding with FFFFFFFFFFs, though), we had another one of those “if you have sex you will get pregnant, get syphilus and DIEEE” assemblies today. The first bit was the usual statistics-spouting shit, but then he next speaker came up and introduced us to the wonderful world of dental dams and finger condoms. Um, thanks, lady, for making 300 students feel a little uncomfortable for half an hour. Fun stuff!

Also, I took the posts offa Facebook because my dad and mom can see them, much to my chagrin. So I guess they’ll be back up after I find a way to keep the Moral Guardians from seeing all my filthy language. Bitch! Haha.

back to the life

What did I do today?
Let’s see…

-Finally ripped Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, though I’ve had the CD for probably five years. It was about time I’d gotten around to it. A Day In The Life? Yes!

-Checked my formspring three hundred billion times, no one is asking me questions. -tear-

-Did Chem homework. Hess’ Law! Yay!

-Did Art homework, the assignment was something along the lines of painting something with colour, I did a self-portrait but since I cannot draw realistic noses (especially mine) I have a bandanna over my face, not that you can see much of my face anyway. I’ll take a picture of it and put it up here later.

-Phoned someone about possible job opportunity.

-Made tuna salad.

-Read about six cheesily dramatic short comics, they made me giggle. It’s one of my guilty pleasures in life.

-Listened to Contra maybe five times, skipping Giving Up The Gun (I cannot stand it, cannot stand it.)

-Tried to think up song lyrics, failed, went back to reading cheesy drama comics

-Read the rules for the France programme. Suprisingly, they say nothing about having the opposite sex in your dorm room, or doing questionable things with said member of opposite sex. Hm.

-Downloaded an excellent cover of Animal Collective’s “My Girls”, it is called “My Boys” and is by Taken By Trees. It is not electronic in the least, there is an accordion, the singer’s voice is angelic and sweeping. If you like the original, try this one out. It’s a good redo.

-Tried to learn some Black Keys songs, but I am not nearly good enough as Dan Auerbach at playing speedy licks. Dang! Maybe I need to get an electric guitar…eventually.

-Fed the dog.

-Thought about doing some facepainting, but lost interest.

Suprising lack of angsting, but then again I’ve got nearly nothing left to angst about. Sweet!
Will probably write more later tonight, or tomorrow morning.

born on a day the sun didn’t rise

Title is from the eponymous Black Moth Super Rainbow song, it is lovely and smoothly electronica, much like basically everything else they’ve done. I love their music, it is psychadelic but soes not force itself on you.
So! Today was alright, besides the terrifying Chem test that turned out not to be quite as terrifying as most of us expected. Thanks, Mr. Summerhayes. That was kind of you.
Also brought out my headphones, they were met by much oohing and aahing, mainly culminating in asking me “Aren’t they the same kind as Jake’s?” (they are, just bright purple). Billy wanted to buy them from me. Um, no.

Apart from all that, though, I’m feeling a little disjointed about that reoccuring issue. Um, I don’t have anyone to angst about anymore. It is a weird, weird feeling. I kind of want something embarrassing to happen to me so I can have more material to write about. Unfortunately, I am outside any drama that is currently happening, and kind of enjoying my apathetic jellyfish-like state.
It is not nearly as bad as I thought, this lack of love business.

Trying to get my Last.fm thing to show how much I really do listen to Sigur Ros and White Denim, unfortunately they have no way of tracking how many plays you’ve logged on a CD (hundreds for Takk…, at least 50 for Exposition/Fits) and so I must use my iPod far more often than usual to listen to things. (Well, I don’t really have to, but why not?)

Had a dream last night, I will type it up as soon as my little sister gets off the large computer.

Also: Hello, all you who’ve come here from Facebook. Thanks for clicking.

i won’t leave a smidgen behind

Home at last!
Oh, it feels positively wonderful to be back, lyin’ on my bed. Aaahhh, we had a good time (as you can tell by the previous post, which was written whilst playing Blackjack), and I’m pretty satisfied game-wise. We did very well.

I’m pretty sure that the reader base I’ve acquired is foaming at the mouth to read the passworded post, so I’ll just say this:
I do not password things to make you all wonder what I could be writing about. I password things because sometimes, I need to get things off my chest that I’m not proud of, and I prefer to write them down rather than spew them out at some poor hapeless small child.
I feel lost at sea.
I probably do not want to go to school tomorrow, ‘specially because I have Snack Shack (which makes me want to curl up and die).

-sighhh-.

I need to stop angsting about all these little petty things.

Will write more later.

triumph

So: second place! That is probably better than we’ve done in a long time. Proudness!
Currently watching Lil and Genna and Ben and this guy from Good Hope  play some variation of poker.
I am tired out of my mind at the moment; i am probably going to go back to the room soon and fall asleep. Geeeezus.
Tomorrow we’re going down to Redhook or something to wander about.
Yay!

Looking forward to it. Until now, gonna wallow in my tiredness until I have to go sleep…soon.

Protected: fragile with doubt

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cryptomesia

“i sold you for parts”

Feels like I’ve been turned inside out like a sock.
Got a haircut today, it is fairly decent. Currently waiting to see if my headphones are comin’, probably not. Bummerrrrr.

Well, it seems that this blog is gonna be quite a bit more boring now that the main issues have somehow been resolved. I don’t have much else terrible to angst about: wait until around June and July, when I’m in France, to see some hopefully truly excellent angsting. Maybe; it depends if the situation arises.

People are coming over tonight! Excitement! We are going to watch Donnie Darko and eat mass amounts of chicken curry. Hopefully people actually make it rather than lie to me about it and leave me hanging. That would suck! That would really suck!
I hope that never happens to anyone I know. That is terrible.

What else…
Right: Gene Simmons’ son has been doing this comic for some company, which is all well and good. But if you’re like me, and read Bleach, Hellsing, or even One Piece, you’ll notice something a little familiar with the characters.
Too familiar.
The main event is over on LiveJournal (which I will link to later), and they’ve put together instances of his plagiarizing. It is pretty bad, I’ll tell you that much. One character (a bounty hunter? I don’t know the story that well) is basically a white-haired carbon copy of Kenpatchi. Some of the panels are even traced.
How is he getting away with this?
I am pretty proud of him for pissing off the internet this well. Good job, Nick. Now wait for the lawyers to try and lever you out of this mess.

Will write more later.