Tag Archives: rant

don’t make me a target

15 Mar

Mini Gusto first day reaction: Meh.
Not a lot goes on in the Avis offices, especially not today, I guess. Basically I spent today rewriting press releases and feeling really awkward and cold and kind of wishing I’d brought my iPod or something, because it was really quiet and creepy.
Basically what I’m trying to get across is that I want to skip it tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. I don’t want to be there.
But I will be, unwillingly and rather awkwardly.
So, besides wishing I was in Spain right now instead of on this helltastic little island, everything is just dandy.
I spent an hour translating stuff from English to Dutch to French to German to Italian back to English to see what happened. Most boring change: “the past is a grotesque animal” to “the past was an animal grotesque”. Most exciting: “Please keep all limbs inside the vehicle” became “if it pleases to keep members wholly inside the mover”. Somehow. SOMEHOW.

Will write more once I’m able to think coherently.

somehow, everything has changed

14 Mar

what did I do today? um
changed the brake pads on the truck (my mom is getting insurance on it for me tomorrow or sometime soon, yay)
made garlic bread, ate a poached egg
laundry laundry laundry
decided to become a waterbuffalo
thought about drawing a comic
didn’t

that was about it.
currently looking up Icelandic bands on a whim, I have passed one heavy-metal one (Blod) and one ambient electronica one that was actually pretty decent, but not enough to download (can’t even remember his name) and right now listening to this guy named Toggi play something. He hasn’t actually gotten around to playing yet, so I’m actually just listening to him make funny icelandic comments (I’m assumming they’re funny, people are laughing)
OH WAIT HE’S SPEAKING ENGLISH.
ffffff wow. He has a very thick accent, that’s my excuse, and I wasn’t really listening.
Decided to listen to it later. here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwfRIQ6CiNQ&feature=related

I have a feeling this week is going to be one of those weeks spent boneless and spineless, as a jellyfish. I will blog about my journalism experiences. I will blog about my thoughts.
But there won’t be much else.

To everyone in Spain,
don’t get raped.
or pickpocketed
or shoehorned into running away from angry bulls.

just a little heat

13 Mar

Strangeness abounds in the land of Carambola, at least tonight it did. Weirder things have happened, sure, but I am about 50% sure something odd is going on upstairs at the moment, if you catch my drift. If you don’t, that’s perfectly cool and I congratulate you.
Besides the weirdness, things were pretty great today: I ate more chinese food than I really should have and am now suffering for it (dammit!), I am freakin’ exhausted and feel pretty crappy as well.

Going to bed, will write more when I get up/am not feeling bluhhh.

transparency

12 Mar

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Shuggie. You probably don’t realize it, but the only reason I’m not a wreck is because of how you’ve handled this whole thing. Thank you. If I ever have any way to help you (in my power), I will, you can count on it.

Today was pretty alright, did nothing in most of my classes (alright!) and got my Mini Gusto sorted out- I’m working for the Avis (a local newspaper) for a week, which’ll be fine and dandy. Sort of looking forward to it.
Also, also, um…um okay, I actually did have something to write about but it flew away as soon as I reached for it. I tend to have thoughts like that quite often, as my head is full of tiny holes and things are pretty prone to sloshing out.
Pft.
Angstwise, I am coping somehow with my soap-opera of a love life: here, let me paraphrase it for you:
My long-time crush suddenly starts dating my best friend, sending me into irrational amounts of shock. Then one of the guys I started to fall for decided he was gay, and the other one suddenly got a significant other with no prior warning. And Jamesey is an android.
I kind of hate my luck with this requited love shindig. I’m not very good at it, obviously, but I hope that changes soon. Maybe in Paris (despite the horrible ratio) I’ll get a guy who doesn’t care about all the things I’ve done wrong. That’d be nice, I suppose. But I’m not expecting anything- stuff like the above can do that. I don’t expect anything special.
And the concept’s nice, but is not going to happen, so why should I even care?
And the apathy attacks.

Will write more later, maybe.

forks and knives

9 Mar

Dammit Zach Condon, you make me feel all drowsy and European. I am lying under the covers of my bed, still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but In The Mausoleum is sapping all my energy. I don’t want to move.
“Berlin is so ugly in the morning light,” he sings. Is that true? When you wake up, shaking off the glory of the previous night, any city is ugly. Every city is its own story, whether stained with crime and corruption or lifted with culture. But there’s always a time in the day in any city where you feel a deep, crushing melancholy. In New York, it’s around four in the afternoon, when you realize you haven’t done anything but walk around all day hoping to find something unique and exciting, but instead your feet are sore and the bum across the subway car is mumbling rambling phrases to yourself. In Paris, it’s about midnight (or the first time you walk into Notre Dame), you realize how insignificant, how small you are. In new Orleans it’s a bit after four in the morning, when you trudge back to your hotel room and pass the people cleaning up from the night’s festivities.
I embrace the melancholy.
“it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile and put away my fright to thse morning light”
I felt the melancholy today, about five minutes into my art class. I sat there, staring at the squid scratched into the zinc, and wondered about truths of our existence.
It is painful to think about those sorts of things, isn’t it? It makes you feel so small, so insignificant and tiny. I occasionally find myself crying when thinking those things, but I do it anyway because I would like to know, kind of. I think it would terrify me, drive me crazy if I knew, but I am insatiable in my thirst for knowledge.

Thank you, Flying Club Cup, for helping me deal with these mental processes. It’s been a while since I’ve just freewritten like this.
‘night.

try to focus on the third eye

9 Mar

Title is from the song Temple Pressure by Alvin Band, it is like an Animal Collective expy except he does not use any instruments besides his voice. It is electroacapella! AWESOME.

So. Today was just jam-packed with nonsensical happenings: I did stuff! I walked places! I used Rayquan as an armrest (he is the perfect height for armresting, I hope he doesn’ t grow until after I leave)!

AND HERE ARE SOME POEMS, BECAUSE TOPICS ARE FAILING ME ATM:
===================================

into the deep

we fall/
straight down
know not where
/and we will never land

through stratospheres and windy pastures

until/I wake
and
you push me/
i fall again—/

==

waves lapping over our souls
you turned to me, quiet, sincere
and planted a sticky kiss on my cheek

i didn’t move to wipe it away
in that moment i was paralyzed
subcutaneous breakers sending
white foam over my nerves

==

underneath the verdant skin
underneath the brown dirt
there is life.
rolling and flowing
beneath our feet,
it connects our hearts
with so many thin wires

electricity flowing
or something else
more intimate and sharp

we cannot see this energy
but yes, the feel is there
running through our veins
so many tiny shocks
dancing and dancing.

=====================

I keep telling myself I need to write more, but the spark has bled (kudos to anyone who gets that reference) and I’m out of creativity. Third quarter apathy can do that to a body, it really can. Hopefully I’ll get some ideas over Spring Break and will be able to pass them on to YOUUU!

Ffffffffff, things could be better.
On the plus side, though, I found today that I have pretty much memorized all the lyrics to “The Past Is A Grotesque Animal”, which  is quite an achievement as that song is eleven minutes long. Haha! Kevin Barnes, I can do it! Now let me design the cover for False Priest!
Speaking of which, False Priest is their next album, coming out probably at the end of the year. I like how they’re doing the titles of them: they all come from this lyric in Fauberge Falls For Shuggie: “Skeletal lamping/false priest/the controllosphere/oooOOOhh!”
Baah out of things to write about.
Later.

don’t hold yourself like that

8 Mar

How am I feeling? Pretty goddamned crappy, that’s how. I want to explode into a pile of goo.
I told my mom about my Chem test, how I’d done very well on it but it only raised my grade a point. I mentioned that my grade is currently a 78. This is very good for Chem, but mummy dearest flipped a shit and insisted that I do better, as I am apparently the “smartest kid in the class.”
Uh-huh.
So now I’ve got my mother hounding my apathetic ass, as well as having to take about three abso-fuckin-lutely wonderful tests this week. Awesome. Junior year pretty much sucks. Hopefully I can get my grade up to an 80 by the end of this week in Chem. Two friggin’ points- 2 friggin’ points! I should be able to do this, g’dammit!

On the lighter side (I am still resounding with FFFFFFFFFFs, though), we had another one of those “if you have sex you will get pregnant, get syphilus and DIEEE” assemblies today. The first bit was the usual statistics-spouting shit, but then he next speaker came up and introduced us to the wonderful world of dental dams and finger condoms. Um, thanks, lady, for making 300 students feel a little uncomfortable for half an hour. Fun stuff!

Also, I took the posts offa Facebook because my dad and mom can see them, much to my chagrin. So I guess they’ll be back up after I find a way to keep the Moral Guardians from seeing all my filthy language. Bitch! Haha.