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gross innaccuracies

28 Oct

something i did, bored and lonely

////

I made this one day, sitting alone and waiting for time to pass. it is titled (hells of unoffically) “i dreamed and wondered but got nowhere in the summers of past lives:”

the french says “I would dream of happier times” and it is kind of deep

i ran out of paint halfway through, you can tell.

famine affair

27 Oct

Due tospending about three hours today working on an Of Montreal contest remix, I have the titular song stuck in my head. It is agony.

Also haven’t been writing much lately, that reason is SENIOR YEAR and by third quarter it will be back to normal updates.

Till then check out my tumblr, or bug me with comments. I will be writing. Less. But still writing.

theydidntwait.tumblr.com

Laterrrrr

fences

14 Oct

I think I am digging the accompanying Wolfgang Amadeus Pheonix remix CD more than the actual album. This is not suprising. I’ve been listening to the damn thing for the last three weeks, it works very well as “wake up plz” music.

“Hello moon… Bitchin’.” <- this is courtesy Parker. I will, one day, put this on a shirt and wear it and feel good about myself.

WELL this week I went kayaking with all the ladies in my class, which was supposed to be a "team building" excercise but in reality just ended up having us go into pairs and kayak around boats whilst having one person blindfolded. Yay communication! I think I can now reliably tell you which side is my right/left without having to consult any table of knowledge.
Ohhh speaking of that, I am learning to dive since I need to know in order to get a job. Also I am applying for the semifinals of the Merit Scholar, woo!
–I just had to run to the main computer and send my essay out, actually. It's due tomorrow. Phew.
That's not all I did since last post. I also fufilled my goal of making something bigger than myself- said "something" is an 8-foot long piece of paper that would've ordinarily been used to cover the bulletin board but now has a black tempera person outlined on it (kinda) and swirly things and will be camera'd tomorrow if I can wrangle it.

ALSO: a bit of drama. I'm gonna let it ferment a while and see if it amounts to anything. If so, I'll consider writing more details. If not, it shall fade into obscurity.

AND TOMORROW IS MUSTACHE DAY, OH MY JESUS YES.

will write later.

yeah, yeah

20 Sep

adder sensibilities

8 Sep

gross national innacuracies led to nights spent fretting over the demise of a thousand lovely souls/ try to create proper patterns decayed into kaleidoscope fires/ healthy unheimlich garments draping the modern Xerxes/ piss on lunatic wires arch your back and cry bullshit for the maniac rush of it

&&&&&&&

weighty proverbs crumpling under their own gravitational fields//creating positive modesty into nightshade pupils//queries ignored, poetry made silent and odin and his ravens reigning//yggdrasil is never an eventuality but a constant menacing in the limelight//staple some rulers to the walls + tame the beast

&&&&&&&&&&&

running labrynthian locks through your spider-hands
hansel and gretel coated in moonlight
and diamond dusting nincompoops across the suede shoreline like cavities in the spring
not even the magic of my old haunts could illicit crazy motion sprinklings towards the fuckery of nonsense that is sculpture
you smiled at rodin, i scowled, but the sentiments were shared

&&&&&&&&&

i reeled
and you forgave me

though i’d wish it’d gone so differently back then, swinging the ropes, laughing and talking of vonnegut as the moonlight strived to fight through the windows and reflect off yr eyes
i was simply having far too much fun
and without realizing it kind of
— i don’t know–
Je suis tombée en l’amour?

=============
Today’s been reasonable, I guess. Cannot be bothered at the moment due to sheer happiness. Waiting for magic to descend upon me. Preordered False Priest. I hope it rains tomorrow. The above poems are what spouted from my fingers in a fit of philosophy. I miss the Poet. I am listening to the Phoenix remixes that came along with the real CD, they are fairly good. I had a physics lab to do tonight. I have a sneaking suspicion I did it wrong. Fuck all. I want to play guitar but I also want to learn the chords for Percussion Gun, not sure which one will precede the other. Apathy is already overwhelming my senses. I need to scan my Yellow Book as soon as I’m done with it. My next one’s red. It’s a Moleskine. I look forward to feeling like Kyna.
That’s all I’ve got for you all.

Bloggiversary: imminent.

sun lips

6 Sep

Animalistic crowd controllers fell steaming out of sunlit shacks parading nightingale sweaters off you television racks//inebriated nightsticks and cellophane dreams promoting your energies and catapulting the messages towards incongrouous safety measures

Hell if I know.

forever heavy

4 Sep

i couldn’t breathe in the silence
from the echoes of radarless machines
so i flagellated and writhed
with the effort of it
trying and trying
to control the wild flickers of pain
but it never worked, at least not
when you were
around, the silence
soaring into cacophonies that confused
and at the same time,
at least liberated me

it took time and space
but suddenly i found myself
drifting away, no longer
with any need to swim
against the current
trapped in another gravitational pull
and made boneless
by another’s influence

i never thought anything of it
looking back that was probably
the best thing: somehow
a clean but jagged break,
it cauterized the wound
and let new growth go forth
and let me breathe again
and let me love
and walk into that peach light

you met me at such a dismal point on the arc

18 Aug

I wish I’d done something different with this blog.
And I’ll explain, thusly:

By unloading every single bit of anger/hatred/obsession/-ness onto this virtual friend, I’ve created a way to not only look through my past conciousnesses, but for people to forget all that I do outside of angsting. Because I write about things other than my sad excuse of a lovelife. I write a helluvafreakinglot else, and though I might not write for any real purpose I still write.  I hope that makes sense. This is something I’ve tried to explain to people before, but they usually start asking, “well, what do you write about, you know, besides your pathetic excuses for not having a significant other?”

To which I give a dirty look, sigh, and explain:

oh god, how do I answer that?

Let’s start. I write about what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling. I write about what I think others are thinking and/or feeling. I write about people who I’ve just made up thinking/feeling/doing things. I write about objects. I occasionally write about the food I’ve made. I write poetry (though mediocre poetry at best: The Poet may or may not help me with that, but I’m not going to pressure him because I’ve asked enough of him as it is). I am trying to write more screenplays, because the one that I’ve done is actually rather good and with some revision may become really fucking good. With any luck. Anyway: I write other people’s song lyrics.

I also write about myself a lot, which leads into writing about the people I think about a lot, which follows the predictable end into having me write about my terrible aaaangst. (Which, all else aside, is not that terrible.)

So my question, more to myself than to you, my readers (unless you have very creative ideas and are willing to share) is: what the fuck do I do with all this other writing? Where do I put it, besides my little doodlebooks? Do I scrunch it into this blog? Do I write it and shove it away? –I can’t decide, and sure it might not be very important, but god I want to share different stuff, I want people to read my words and feel something from them. Besides pity and derision and the sort of glee that comes from watching soap-operas.

That’s the hardest part.

so, I’ve been doing more blabbering, more free-association writing, on my Tumblr, and I feel kind of like I’m dethroning this venerable institution of my thoughts and words but if I don’t throw that blabbering somewhere else it’ll end up here and confuse the hell out of everyone.

Maybe I’ll post them in one big ol’ clump and let you find your way out, like a verbal labyrinth.

We’ll see.

—will write later.

(((in the belly of the beast)))

stolen sorrow

17 Aug

i’ve been fucking around on Kevin Barnes’ Tumblr and found this gem:

“the big one for me is jesus. i can’t make sense of his deal. sent down by his father God, to save human society from destructive self obsession, unchecked desires, apathy, uncleaniness…sent down to teach us how to get our shit together and stop being such fuck ups. so he performed some rad magic with fish and loaves of bread, he walked on waterbeds, he had his feet annointed, he gave us the golden rule,he had a strange couple of lost weeks in the desert with satan, he wiped his face on a shroud, people gave him palm fronds, he smashed the shit out of some false idols…all of this and yet somehow no one really liked him, and so they tortured him, brutally, nailed him to a cross and watched him  die. then, somehow, years and years later, he’s celebrated as this impossibly rad guy. i can understand believing that he did exist and that, possibly, he did all of those wild things, but i still don’t see how viewing him dead on the cross, could give anyone a sense of relief or comfort. all i wanna do is get him down from there and clean him up and take him out to dinner or something.”

basically: that’s why I love him.

awesome day! will write later.

(also I am now seventeen FOR REALZZZZ)

persona non grata

11 Aug

So for the last couple days, I’ve been writing this long-ass stream of conciousness thing on my grandfather’s old typewriter (I almost wrote “grand-pere” there, jeez, I need to go back to Paris) and it’s been pretty swell. It’s ten pages long, very small font, I took pictures of it and now I’m going to put it on this blog. Mmkay? Mkay. Glad you agree, my three faithful readers. (or are there even three? I don’t know: but SOMEONE’s been reading this mess and I’m grateful for it. Thanks, guys. You’re gettin’ me through my slump.)

SO
here’s the first one:

 and the second

THIRD

FOURTH

FIFTH

SIXTH

SEVENTH

EIGHTH

NINTH

TENTH

OKAY THAT’S IT
if you can’t read them comment or something and I’ll put up some better-done pictures
SWELL STUFF, GUYS