Tag Archives: awkward

mistaken for strangers

30 Jan

jeez.
I have got to start thinking about what I write on here, as when I write I forget who is gonna read it. Basically, I am going to mention people (specific people) less often, and focus on stuff that happened to me and how I feel about it, not the whole story behind it. I have a hard time not going into detail when I write, hence the near-ridiculous level of it that I go into. I apologize profusely. I am also going to go back to some of my earlier posts and change some names around, just for anons sake.

Well- besides all that above stuff- nothing really happened today. I baked beets. I chopped up half an avocado and ate it in a sandwich. It was delicious…
Oh, fuck. I’m not going to be able to write like this for very long, it’s not my nature. I like to write about other people, as my life is not that interesting: certainly not interesting enough to warrant its own blog. Geez- maybe in a few days I’ll try again with thw whole “don’t mention anything you’ll regret” thing. And in actuality, I haven’t even scraped the surface of that particular glacier. There is a lot that I haven’t shared here. There is a lot that I will probably never share with anyone.

I cannot type well anymore, so goodnight all. Bleehhh.

(oh, and in case you’re wondering why I’m blogging this late, it’s because I was walking the dog before bed. True story.)

holy shcamoley, relationships

6 Dec

who keeps viewing my blog
because it now has like sixty eight views from yesterday and I am scared someone is going to tell me that that is illegal because I do not write that well, please stop

aaaaaaand well.

Well, well well. I need to give props to my dear friend Lil, for staying up till twelvethirty last night helping me get over myself. Props!

and why- oh, Tweed. I have a lot to say to you, and it’d be a helluva lot easier to do so if we weren’t preoccupied with the past. I have been an idiot. I remember that trip, I remember your face when I asked, I remember sitting in the hallway for what seemed like an eternity later, whispering Icelandic whale-phrases under my breath. But that’s not the case anymore- I’ve moved on, I’ve shed that skin, and goshdarnit I’d just like to be friends, good friends.

and that’s really all I wanted all along, you know.

In the beginning, I’d seen you, thought “oh he looks interesting” and attempted to strike up a conversation; you were courteous, you’d never met me before, you treated me like anyother person would. And it made me happy.

And I wanted to hug you.

But some faulty valve in my brain said “wait you are a girl, he is a guy, you cannot hug without being in love, FALSE” so I closed the door of friendship and decided I would become infatuated with you over the next couple years. Which I did. I have the embarassing diaries to prove it, all “angsty” and “edgy” and just plain laughable looking back on.

but then, high school happened, and something changed- I met people, I befriended people, I started seeing you more often, Tweed, and realized that hey you still are awesome, but I am too awkward around you. So I tried to get accustomed, I tried to tell myself “oh I’m over him what are you talking about”

and I really wasn’t over you, you know, until this summer. After the trip something subtle broke between us and I realized, i finally realized that you should be my friend and nothing else.

Then school began, Bortglomt wormed his way into my conciousness by being angry and apathetic and glorious nonetheless and I further realized that we have much more in common than either of us know, and it made me happy-

and instead of taking the wrong path again, I opened the friend door and walked inside.

Though we will never, never be as close as we could’ve been- there will always be that blanket of awkwardness muting our conversations, limiting them to appropriate things like music and movies and etc.- I am still a little happy on the inside that we haven’t ignored each other- you are very kind, Tweed.

And I am glad you are.