Tag Archives: jealousy

Protected: fragile with doubt

1 Mar

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

come on, chemicals

17 Dec

i’ve been waking up and sobbing all night but I know I shouldn’t be
some faulty emotional balance I presume
what makes fauberge so much better than me, tweed? is it the height? the domineering attitude? the wit?
and I am ashamed to be so jealous, but sometimes it is the only emotion i can feel right now- i need a comforter, a soothsayer, a person to hold me close and tell me everything’s gonna be alright, a shoulder to lean on in my embarrassing weakened state.
i love you tweed. you are great in so many ways. but I understand you will never reciprocate my feelings, so can we put New Orleans behind us and just be friends? Not this stupid awkward friendship we have right now, but legitimate friendship without worries, free to say whatever.

That’s all I ask, if it’s not too much.

might as well unravel the secrets

16 Dec

so I thought, and have been thinking for a while, and I’ve realized something.
I am a bit of a jealous bitch.
Fauberge and Tweed have a lovely friendship at the moment, but I cannot get over their ease of getting along- damn, I want to be able to speak to him like that, witty and sharp instead of bumbling like me. Oh, if only I was quicker with my thoughts, if only I dwelled less on the nature of small mammals and more on how best to counter the insults being thrown my way. It is also interesting that Fauberge, small as she is, can quickly render all terrified. I am a lumbering six feet, yet people routinely stomp on my attributes because it’s “fun.”
I want to be confident. I don’t want to have to worry about what people will say. I want to be less gullible. I want to have pride. I want to have someone who cherishes me. I want someone who loves me, for once in the nonplatonic way, though sure that is nice and all but when you’ve had unrequited love for six years that gets a little old.
I want a lot of things, oh yes I do.
But these things may never be given to me. I will watch quietly as all my friends become happily in love, but I will be the perpetual wallflower.
Dammit Bortglomt. All this, and I will never tell you. I will never tell you.
because that’s another chance for my rejection.