det tar tid

“it takes time”

About half of my existence is spent pondering the Could-Have-Beens, the little moments where my meddling took me down one path or another. It could have happened. A lot of things could’ve happened, but hell, if they did then things would be a lot different than they are now.
I’d imagine it so.

There are three things that don’t belong to me on my wall- well, not so much not belonging to me as not made by me. Or both-
One of them is a scratched drawing of a ‘peace robot’ on that special black-coated paper that has bright colors underneath. A boy at my church gave it to me. It is made of awesome.
There is also a print hanging above it- I found it in the trash can in the art room before winter break- it’s actually Jacob’s, and I wonder if he’d like it back. It is very well made. He printed it somehow so there are about three repeated copies, all on top of each other, flipped over and twisted. I don’t know how he did it, but I aim to replicate the feat.
Under that, I have a folded-up copy of a poem Wil wrote (well, not so much wrote as pasted together) that I found crumpled on the sidewalk outside Mrs. Grace’s room. It’s almost not his style-Wil usually writes poetry in long alliterative sentences- but I like it nonetheless. I can’t read it from my bed, but I can see the little words serpentining down the page.

Those are my three ‘foreign objects’.

I used to be afraid of a lot of things.
Stupid things, like geese and bees and stingrays and large dogs and the dark-
but I’ve realized, over the years, that these sorts of things are inconsequential. I know what I really fear, at least nowadays:
Being alone;
Change;
Being ignored or forgotten about;
and helplessness.

I’m going to try to face my fears, one by one.
It’ll take a while.

all is calm, all is bright

well, I am lying in my bed listening to Skeletal Lamping and reflecting. I suppose it’s a little too early to start think about new year’s, but eh, that’s where my mind currently resides.
But I will wait a while- some of my mental machinations may be resolved by then. Such as my descision to ask Bortglomt to prom. I am ninety-five percent sure he will say no and I will end up either going alone or going with Agaetis or somethin’. But it is definitely worth a shot, if only to prove that I am brave enough to do something quite so rash.
Haha!
But still, looking forward to tomorrow morning- presents lovingly wrapped, parents insisting on taking fifteen million pictures. Ugh.
Oh, and I did some midnight drabbles last night, here they are:
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vocational occasional bastards on a golden sea your mind is more beautiful than you know our data daughters are beautiful and quick shoot your arrow
above
The clouds don’t worry all will become a delightful outcome our minds warped by your (scribble)geramy your tetrology
Beauty all the days we dance for you and you only laugh a little louder oh why not launch your mind ahead
Kangaroo blunt sayings of the wet winter we mustn’t decided beauty of the terror we will spray your caracas lovers
Love of course not, that is merely one very long boss list of our belights love changed our terrors we leaving, or gorgeous brothers dance as unicorns beneath the sentence by I’m a roset see yeah I was seen? And of me there are six douius attacks we love, if we could, but the terrible delightful things we think defile the definiyions of a small land.
And our words will predate us, or at least mine will, if I ever decide to do swathlin
I am ridiculous.
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Aaah. Well, it’s been a good day. It’s been a good month, really. I guess the christmas spirit is finally getting to me, so I think I’m going to draw a little and go to sleep.

Happy holidays, everyone. I hope your hangovers are gentle and your parents are generous.
I also hope you take a little time to appreciate the little awesome things in life, like taking towels rigt out from the dryer and swaddling yourself in their fuzzy warmth. That’s how I remember living in Canada (I was six.)- wet cold followed by fuzzy warmth.
Well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Love.