Tag Archives: confusion


22 Feb

I kind of feel like doing some midnight drabbles, but cannot be bothered to write anything at the moment. Well, besides this.
I am going to make some decisions this week, if I can; if not, that’s alright with me. I go with the proverbial flow when it comes to these sorts of things, but having absolutely no experience means I have no idea if what I’m doing is a good idea or not.
So confusing! I hate this feeling!
It would be much better if I knew one or two of the variables in this equation- damn our unpredictability. Perhaps I’ll talk to Shuggie or Fauberge about it, if either of them will listen.


(also: ‘My Girls’ is a very good, very well-known song.)

please refrain from flash photography

10 Feb

Curled up in my MONDO-BED, feelin’ cosy and warm. I wonder if this is what a snail feels when it curls up inside its shell- I hope it is, that would be lovely and would further strengthen my notion of reincarnation.
Speaking of which, might as well outline my theogical beliefs.
Firstly, I don’t care what religion you are as long as you’re not trying to push it on me, or you’re not actively hurting people physically. I do not like extremists of any issue, so I attempt to stay away from them.
Also, I believe in reincarnation. This stems from an intense admiration of Eastern religions that spawned back in 6th gradeand continues today. The whole idea of having your grandma come back as a new baby just makes me feel a little more secure in my mortality. I don’t know- it’s just reassuring that there’s something after death- which brings me to:
I believe there is no hell. You keep going through successive lives until you get it right- that may not be our contempary version of success- and then you go to a Nirvana, or heaven, or whatever you’d like to call it.
Finally, I believe there is a higher power. Maybe not a “god” as we understand it, but just a greater celestial power. I don’t see it having an actual gender/sex, but people have interpreted it differently through the ages, from early Mesopotamian mother goddesses to the paternal Christian and Muslim God. I think it’s all the same forces that religions personify.

I go to church pretty often, I sing the hymns, I pray along with everyone else (but I’m not starting my prayers with ‘Dear God’- it’s more of a ‘Hey there’), and I respect those beliefs.

The only thing about atheists or agnostics that bothers me (not all athiests/agnostics, mind you- I’m not calling you out as bad folks. It’s a valid choice of beliefs, with its own bits of evidence) is the contempt they have for those practicing organised religion.
I have met a few people like this. It bugs me, especially if they mention the Crusades and all that jazz. Sure, people were pretty rotten back in the day (and some still are now), but you don’t need to call out every person belonging to the offending religion to make a point.

Well, gettin’ tired. I might write more on theology in the future, but it’s such a massive issue I kinda feel uncomfortable writing about it.

Also, Taoism is pretty cool.

overflowing like a frothing pint of guinness

18 Jan

I am going to explode. Shit today was pretty great, last night was über (umlaut YAY) awesome thanks to Ryan’s continuous comments about how sexy the various women in Chicago (the play/movie) are. Ahaha, that was fun, that was fun.
Well, gonna try again for my license tommorrow, hopefully I do better than I did last time and actually get parked all nicely. Dang.
Oh, and as a nice present when I get to school, I get to do a Chem test third period! Oh happy day! (No.) Seriously though, this is the second test in as many weeks and I am getting a little tired of it. Just have to remember that formula… which I can’t think of right now. Shit! Ah, I’ll have to do a little review before I take the test.
So, in a few days I might be real courageous and ask Hove somethin’. But that is a might, and that is in a few days, so who knows. I am a little confused still, but I have a feeling that Taschen could care less, so I might as well-

Hopefully I’ll get things sorted soon. In the meanwhile, I’m going to sleep and maybe my dreams will tell me stuff. (Or maybe Taschen will steal my soul again with a kiss. Who knows?)

déjà vu

26 Dec

(we have all been here before)

Well, tonight I might be seeing Avatar, the one without the flying buffalo and cute little bald monk-kids. The one with blue aliens. Why are aliens always green or blue? They might be coloured in shades the human eye couldn’t see and…
Okay, I know I was going to reveal who Tweed was today, and yes, I still am, but not at the moment.

I’ve found recently that I like the early-morning silences, the soft rumble of the refinery sort of menacingly comforting, if you can imagine. I have spent about seven years living near this plant, so I am pretty used to it.

Also, I dreamt about Bortglom last night. We were in disney-land for some reason, I don’t remember why, but a bear attacked and Savannah thought she should leave the two of us alone and we talked before my dad threw a pineapple-sized grenade at me, pin still intact, and told me to use it as “protection.”

winsome and wondrous

15 Nov

So it’s over – no more practices, no more pre-show musical freakouts, no more shrieking with laughter backstage. We’re done.
I didn’t want it to end, but I think when I finally handshaked Acquaintance Jake goodbye, it was the last thing I’d do as a member of the cast.
I am writing this feeling less-than-tired, though I know I should be tucking myself into bed rather than writing blog posts.
But I will not sleep for a little while longer; I know there are still a few more minutes of bliss to be wrenched from this day, and I’d be loathe to miss them.
Also a little conflicted about some mental stuff, but hopefully said matters will resolve themselves. The good news is that Tweed and I are on our way to having a nice friendship. The bad news is that there are two more to fill his place: Bortglomt and Agætis. Both uniquely wonderful, both mind-bogglingly hard to choose between.
Ugh, finally getting tired. Goodnight, readers.