Tag Archives: shuggie

transparency

12 Mar

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Shuggie. You probably don’t realize it, but the only reason I’m not a wreck is because of how you’ve handled this whole thing. Thank you. If I ever have any way to help you (in my power), I will, you can count on it.

Today was pretty alright, did nothing in most of my classes (alright!) and got my Mini Gusto sorted out- I’m working for the Avis (a local newspaper) for a week, which’ll be fine and dandy. Sort of looking forward to it.
Also, also, um…um okay, I actually did have something to write about but it flew away as soon as I reached for it. I tend to have thoughts like that quite often, as my head is full of tiny holes and things are pretty prone to sloshing out.
Pft.
Angstwise, I am coping somehow with my soap-opera of a love life: here, let me paraphrase it for you:
My long-time crush suddenly starts dating my best friend, sending me into irrational amounts of shock. Then one of the guys I started to fall for decided he was gay, and the other one suddenly got a significant other with no prior warning. And Jamesey is an android.
I kind of hate my luck with this requited love shindig. I’m not very good at it, obviously, but I hope that changes soon. Maybe in Paris (despite the horrible ratio) I’ll get a guy who doesn’t care about all the things I’ve done wrong. That’d be nice, I suppose. But I’m not expecting anything- stuff like the above can do that. I don’t expect anything special.
And the concept’s nice, but is not going to happen, so why should I even care?
And the apathy attacks.

Will write more later, maybe.

Advertisements

Protected: mindguisings

19 Jan

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

EIEIEI

16 Jan

Third day of my White Denim listening marathon. I am surprisingly coping pretty well with the sheer amount of crazy energy this music has. Gah tomorrow I’m listening to Sufjan.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to write songs all through christmas break, but I am not very good at it so I usually end up with about half a stanza and some scribbles.
Here’s some of the better ones:
“Well, the neverending condescending advancesof your throne/are throwning butterfingered passes that dance and shatter through my bones/ I’ll whime away the moonlight clear/come stop & stay a moment-oh my dear!”
“clock towers on an elevation ‘high'”
“go, taste the moonlight/drink like a unicorn/deep drafts of light down your downy throat”

I also rewrote some of the lyrics to Steam Engine because I never could remember them (and still can’t):
” take your money, don’t look back (x3)
and to anyone who wonders/bout that old familar breeze/it’s twilight in the garden/over red Ponoka seas/we’re peekin’ out through darkness/ the bullet hits our knees/ your skin looks good in moonlight/please stay a while with me…”
For some reason, that song seems to fill all the gaps in my heart where the pieces didn’t quite fit together. I love that song. It is very capable of making me bawl (I am a wimp, I know).
On the topic of broken hearts, however, I am doing alright with regards to Fauberge and Shuggie. I am actually a little thankful. It was a necessary pain, and now that it’s happened I actually feel like myself again. I am so glad for them.
The only thing that’s weird about it is the third-wheel feeling I get whenever I’m around them, like I’m intruding on their world of two (kudos for anyone who gets that reference). I am a stubborn thing, though, and so weird feelings be damned, I am going to talk to my Fauberge. Which I have done, thank you very much.
Well, it’s nice to feel pretty peaceful about these things. I may be taking a step forward in the accquisition of a “Shuggie” of my own. Who knows? Only time will tell, and I am not one to rush these things (at least not anymore).

SO MUCH WHITE DENIM WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF

I keep remembering that it’s a three day weekend, and every time I do my heart kind of does a little handstand in my chest. SWEEEEEET
Probably going to make some more little bobbypin twig things today. We’ll see how it goes. And I’m going to ask my dad about hosting a little movie night tomorrow, we’ll see how that goes as well.
LILLIAN I WILL REDRAW YOU ASAP. THAT IS A PROMISE.

reeling beneath my skin

7 Jan

now i’m crying.

Fu- no, no; this is not the right time for that, this is a time for the tears to flow, for my heart to try to heal itself.

Why am I so affected?

Why do I want to leave this place?

Why do I want someone to encase me in a warm hug?

Well, hell if I know, but i am a gibbering mess right now and would love to vanish, maybe, into the clouds above and rematerialize somewhere where I can cry out all my tears and fix this torn heart of mine.
Hove, Faschen- where are you when I need you?

And not even the relentless joy of Steam Engine can help me now.