Tag Archives: relationships

staring at the sun

6 Feb

so, even though I am quite an indie-geek, I have realized that I’ve barely scratched the surface when it comes to bands. I’m going to start making a list of bands I need to listen to (and possibly bother people about) in one of my books that I got for christmas. It has a monkey sitting on an alligator eating a mango on it. Awesome? Yes!

Listening to The English Beat (or just The Beat? That’s how Last.fm corrects it) and it is catchy as all go out. Ahaha, it makes me want to do a little dance. It’s proto-ska! It’s got the little horn stings! The syncopated guitar bits! Ahaha, I love this stuff. I cannot stand current ska (well, I don’t listen to it for hours in my room), but this is just on the high-key side of low-key.
If that makes any sense.

Well! Going to apply for the Paris summer programme today, I’ve filled everything out and am waiting for my mum to come home so she can yay or nay it. I am excited! I am also kind of bummed because the Bonnaroo artist list comes out on the ninth, and I will be very peeved if of Montreal and the Flaming Lips are playing and I do not get to see them. That would be terrible.

On the other front of confusion (was there an initial one? Ff, whatever-), I still haven’t reached a consensus about ANYTHING and I’m ripping my hair out over it. I’m doin’ pretty well sittin’ here in the middle, but eventually I’m gonna have to make a choice (I’ve got an elephant in my brain, reminding me), and that’s going to be the hardest thing I’ll do. Well, at least in high school.

…I have three Sigur Ros albums.

That is pretty cool. I am going to get more. Maybe Von? Probably Agaetis Byjrun (or however the devil it’s spelled).

As soon as I write three or four songs, I am going to record them. Then I am going to make people listen to them. And then I’m going to check off one of my things to do before I explode. THAT IS MY GOAL TODAY; WRITING SONGS.

Except I am absolute crap at doing so.

i am glad you are 256 colours too

29 Jan

Title is a Black Moth Super Rainbow song, but really has no relevance to anyhing that happened today.
Well, it was a pretty normal day: Ryan yelled at me for messing with his hair, Wil talkedabout shoegaze bands I’d never heard of, Lil pushed me into a pole (twice), etcetera. Probably one of the most “normal” days I’ve had in a long time, which is actually kind of relieving.
Been thinking about Hove and Taschen more often, but the issue has been delegated to the back of my mind for the moment. Taschen has been giving me these passing glances that make me nearly stop in my tracks, which is extremely disconcerting and makes my ears go red. Luckily my hair is long enough to cover them, but still…
Whatever. Nothing is going to happen for a while, so I might as well lay low and take some stress off (not that I’m stressing out about anything.)
One more thing before I go- I am finally finally at peace with Fauberge and Shuggie- or, as you may know them better, Lillian and Wil. I no longer have to supress tears when I see them walk by together (I suspect Lil has told Wil about me and my crying spree and is being extremely kind by not making out/making kissy faces when I’m around… Or maybe they just think it’s awkward at school. Who knows.). I am eternally grateful to the both of them for helping me realize quite a few things and for opening my eyes to what I’d been too narrow-minded to see. Thank you, both of you.

Might as well end on an uplifting note, eh?
Will write more later.

holy shcamoley, relationships

6 Dec

who keeps viewing my blog
because it now has like sixty eight views from yesterday and I am scared someone is going to tell me that that is illegal because I do not write that well, please stop

aaaaaaand well.

Well, well well. I need to give props to my dear friend Lil, for staying up till twelvethirty last night helping me get over myself. Props!

and why- oh, Tweed. I have a lot to say to you, and it’d be a helluva lot easier to do so if we weren’t preoccupied with the past. I have been an idiot. I remember that trip, I remember your face when I asked, I remember sitting in the hallway for what seemed like an eternity later, whispering Icelandic whale-phrases under my breath. But that’s not the case anymore- I’ve moved on, I’ve shed that skin, and goshdarnit I’d just like to be friends, good friends.

and that’s really all I wanted all along, you know.

In the beginning, I’d seen you, thought “oh he looks interesting” and attempted to strike up a conversation; you were courteous, you’d never met me before, you treated me like anyother person would. And it made me happy.

And I wanted to hug you.

But some faulty valve in my brain said “wait you are a girl, he is a guy, you cannot hug without being in love, FALSE” so I closed the door of friendship and decided I would become infatuated with you over the next couple years. Which I did. I have the embarassing diaries to prove it, all “angsty” and “edgy” and just plain laughable looking back on.

but then, high school happened, and something changed- I met people, I befriended people, I started seeing you more often, Tweed, and realized that hey you still are awesome, but I am too awkward around you. So I tried to get accustomed, I tried to tell myself “oh I’m over him what are you talking about”

and I really wasn’t over you, you know, until this summer. After the trip something subtle broke between us and I realized, i finally realized that you should be my friend and nothing else.

Then school began, Bortglomt wormed his way into my conciousness by being angry and apathetic and glorious nonetheless and I further realized that we have much more in common than either of us know, and it made me happy-

and instead of taking the wrong path again, I opened the friend door and walked inside.

Though we will never, never be as close as we could’ve been- there will always be that blanket of awkwardness muting our conversations, limiting them to appropriate things like music and movies and etc.- I am still a little happy on the inside that we haven’t ignored each other- you are very kind, Tweed.

And I am glad you are.