you met me at such a dismal point on the arc

18 Aug

I wish I’d done something different with this blog.
And I’ll explain, thusly:

By unloading every single bit of anger/hatred/obsession/-ness onto this virtual friend, I’ve created a way to not only look through my past conciousnesses, but for people to forget all that I do outside of angsting. Because I write about things other than my sad excuse of a lovelife. I write a helluvafreakinglot else, and though I might not write for any real purpose I still write.  I hope that makes sense. This is something I’ve tried to explain to people before, but they usually start asking, “well, what do you write about, you know, besides your pathetic excuses for not having a significant other?”

To which I give a dirty look, sigh, and explain:

oh god, how do I answer that?

Let’s start. I write about what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling. I write about what I think others are thinking and/or feeling. I write about people who I’ve just made up thinking/feeling/doing things. I write about objects. I occasionally write about the food I’ve made. I write poetry (though mediocre poetry at best: The Poet may or may not help me with that, but I’m not going to pressure him because I’ve asked enough of him as it is). I am trying to write more screenplays, because the one that I’ve done is actually rather good and with some revision may become really fucking good. With any luck. Anyway: I write other people’s song lyrics.

I also write about myself a lot, which leads into writing about the people I think about a lot, which follows the predictable end into having me write about my terrible aaaangst. (Which, all else aside, is not that terrible.)

So my question, more to myself than to you, my readers (unless you have very creative ideas and are willing to share) is: what the fuck do I do with all this other writing? Where do I put it, besides my little doodlebooks? Do I scrunch it into this blog? Do I write it and shove it away? –I can’t decide, and sure it might not be very important, but god I want to share different stuff, I want people to read my words and feel something from them. Besides pity and derision and the sort of glee that comes from watching soap-operas.

That’s the hardest part.

so, I’ve been doing more blabbering, more free-association writing, on my Tumblr, and I feel kind of like I’m dethroning this venerable institution of my thoughts and words but if I don’t throw that blabbering somewhere else it’ll end up here and confuse the hell out of everyone.

Maybe I’ll post them in one big ol’ clump and let you find your way out, like a verbal labyrinth.

We’ll see.

—will write later.

(((in the belly of the beast)))


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