a plague on the poor, now

21 Jun

Welp, I wasn’t going to write a new post but finally the little concience-bots (no idea if I spelled that right, that is a difficult word to visualize) triumphed so here I am.
Apropos of nothing, I suppose this is a good time to bring up the phenomenon of being mistaken for the other sex online (oh no, now I’m going to be getting even more creepy searches leading here. Ah well.), and my experiences with it.
Most of the time, when I’m on a chat thingy (which, by the way, I don’t do often, as usually the people within the chat are well aquainted and I feel as if I’m intruding- plus it eats up hours) and haven’t got a username or a profile to indicate that yes, soy female, people look at how I write and assume I’m a guy. I have gone on Omegle (for the purpose of trolling), a site similar to ChatRoulette (albeit with a no-webcam option, which means seeing less terrible and innocence-rending things), and every single person I ended up actually saying more than “hi, NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP” to immediately assumed I was a dude and reacted with surprise when I revealed I posessed two X chromosomes.
So, why is that? Is there some uniquely feminine writing style that I don’t possess? Are ladies not allowed to use sesquipadelian loquatiousness? (LOQUETIA! I have found a new ghetto name for Mr Jackson! SCORE) Are we supposed to use thousands of little smiley emoticons, like this- 🙂 – to end every sentence?
No.
Because writing like that, simplistic and using text faces to convey emotion, is just plain (and I’m sorry if you write like this). stupid.
Thusly, I’m kind of offended that people assume that all girls write like semi-literate 9-year-olds, and that all menfolk are instantly endowed with both a schlong and impeccable grammar skills that would put my middle school english teacher to shame.
And so: Well-read ladies! Yes, you there! Please keep reminding people out there that: a) there actually are women on the interwebz; and b) some of the aformentioned women are intelligent.

One more thing while I’m on this rampage: People who write your Faebook statuses with aLtErNaTiNg CaSe LeTtErS? I despise you for it. You might be great and groovy people, but every time I see that incoming block of angry, disjointed text, I duck for cover and wish I had a shotgun so I could take your status out back and put it out of its misery. It does not look “edgy” or “raw” or whatever thing you are trying to convey. It looks stupid, and it is hard to read, and if you would stop I would have one less thing to rant about. Thank you.

I think I’m done now. Non-angry posts tomorrow. Night!

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