live half in the daylight

10 Jun

So I got the xx eponymous album today (I’m not sure how to do the possessive for their name so I’ll leave it as is) and I’ve been listening to it for at least five hours now, in my boombox playing nicely as background music. It has thouroughly mellowed me out. I feel like drawing stickers, but I’m kind of enjoying this sleepy mellowness and don’t want it to stop.
Also, I might as well try training myself to feel sleepy whenever I hear a song, which will be happy on the transatlantic flights I’ll be taking in about two weeks.
Can I honestly convey how excited I am for this? No, I don’t think so. I’ve been looking forward to this trip since fucking January, if some other Icelandic volcano blows up and keeps me from getting to Europe bitches are going to be slapped. Seriously.
God. This is bliss, quite honestly, this breathless anticipation and relaxed heaviness. My eyelids aren’t closing, I’m just kind of dozing with my eyes open. You know the feeling, I’d bet.

Well: also, don’t think I wrote about this yet, but I had a heart to heart with Lil aprox. a week ago, and suddenly am realizing all the things that I’ve been doing very wrong when it comes to all the angsting that I’ve unloaded onto this blog. Thankfully, I’m going to have a relatively clean slate to write on when I go back to school, not to mention the pristine one I’ll have in Paris. I’m not going to pursue anything there, though. I’m going to try to put away my thoughts and instead focus on having fun, and if something just happens to happen, well, that’s excellent and cool and froody, but I’m not going to pursue it. I’ve messed up enough things already, and sure, I have made all of two moves (total) and won’t do anything to wreck existing ‘ships, but I still don’t want to even think about anything happening. I don’t want the pain, I don’t want the disappointment, I don’t want the jealousy or the drama or the awkwardness (though admittently that’s not exactly something I can escape from, at least not yet.)
‘N also, I’d never realized that kindness felt like ribbons. Make of that what you will.

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