sending those

31 May

Well! Studied quite a bit today, but I am bad at studying so it ended up kind of helping me, but mostly just driving the point home that I mostly know what I’m doing. Went over Chem definitions and other assorted cal, surprisingly I know stuff I would have sworn I didn’t.
Oh, also, that word “cal”? It is from A Clockwork Orange and basically means “shit,” but I kind of got it nestled in my brain and it is not likely to un-nestle itself out.
That actually means that I have written in this blog for the better part of a school year.
I am suprised, honestly, that I didn’t give up three days into writing it. People weren’t reading it, I wasn’t getting comments, it was not a source of entertainment, but hell, I kept writing and writing, and writing, and- before I realized it I had several dedicated readers and fifty posts under my belt. This blog’s been handy. And not for practicing writing (i write enough outside of here as is, believe me), but more for just expressing how I feel about things and knowing that someone out there is paying attention. Or pretending to, I don’t care. But someone is reading these words, and that is a marellous feeling for me.
I’ll explain why: I feel like I need other people to approve of what I do. I feel like I need their opinions in order to do something that will succeed. I don’t have a Freudian excuse for this compulsion as of yet, but I think it’s somehow tied into my borderline- (autistic? Asperger’s? Etc.?) symptoms. I’m not that messed up in the head, really, just crazy insecure and prone to being molded by the media.


(Love that song, though.)

This picture makes a little more sense if you’ve seen the first episode of Lucky Star. Chocolate coronets!


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