boy 1904

27 May

I do not know how I’m feeling.

Under my happiness and joy and anticipation, something heavy is moving closer and closer to a revelation. I don’t want to have this revelation. I don’t want to push the bonds any farther, but if they go, then so do I. Unwillingly, but I’ll still be dragged along.
What happened? Nothing, just a song and a seed of a thought and a terrible idea.
[ ] is driving me nuts. I know it is not for me on so many levels- (actually, only one. Only one, but it seems like an impenetratable layer) but god dammit I cannot help the almighty shiver, the terrible shake that runs through.
It is not healthy. I do not want to have to do this ever again. I hope I never have to do this ever again.
I hope.
I pray, I hope that this is the end of this.
[. ], I have nothing more to say to you.

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