red right ankle

23 Jan

title is a decemberists song, I don’t know what it sounds like and cannot be bothered to look it up.

SO! Today started with a little bit of sadness- Fauberge and Shuggie, namely- but curiously I really don’t care about that anymore, it is over and I may now begin to look at Shuggie as a friend. (Moreso than before.) I also have noticed that I’ve started picking out the little things about Shuggie I don’t like, maybe as a sort of justification why…

you know, I’m just circling back to where I started.

ANYWAY that aside, I’ve been starting to think about things that I need to change- things that I need to cut the strings of- things that I’d like to create-

oh but it is so hard, so hard to think like this, with a broken heart and a yearning soul and being divided between two courses of action, both equally attainable, both with consequences that could ruin friendships, but I cannot decide between them oh I cannot decide.

shit this music, it is making me cry. Stafraenn Hakon-Veggur, if you’re wondering, is the song, and it is lovely wordless sad triumph of life over all else, but sad at the same time, sad enough to have me sniffling as I write this. But so beautiful, so beautiful. I think my heart just burst.

-yesterday he looked up at me, our eyes met, it was a strange moment of serendipity, then I couldn’t take it anymore and looked down. A few seconds later, I could feel his eyes on me, wondering, watching, and it was all I could do not to look up and meet them again, share another small moment.

of course, he could have been seeing something else.

did some midnight drabbles, here they are:

nothing is wrong but nothing is right either- your mind is a steel trap but mine is a little loose since you shan’t recall me to

ffffffff stupid terrible handwriting.

Anyway, going to do other stuff besides moping around and being a mopey mope moperson.


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