only a steelman

21 Jan

can be a lover/we celebrate our sense of each other

Thanks, Sufjan Stevens.

Well, today was pretty unremarkable besides the sort of depressing assembly (Haiti). Lillian and I revamped the ancient “riding the waves” inside joke, it was marvellous, Wil could not figure out what the hell was going on. In short, a regular day, a magnificent day.

Well, I decided on the bus today that I’m going to attempt to place the song I reference in the title into my post- so you can hear it. Maybe later for this one, as I am writing it on my iPod and cannot be bothered to go out and write it properly on the big computer. Bah. I only wish I could add files onto my posts on here… APPLE I’M TALKING TO YOU!

Did some very brief midnight drabbles last night, here they are (translated to the best of my ability):
==============
sometimes it makes me wonder why I exist. Why did that grand fella in the sky create us, if not to let us find each other and fall in love. Perhaps it’s oneof the intense/amazing accomplishments of life. Consider your question answered- love love lvoe someone wih neural voices under our terror visits haha your hand me your brain repeats in crazy circles, your jade rule under the sinclair serious and your strange clarity through smoke. His legs seem as ladders- how do they work, knees like diamonds under the brett worldly attacks of very small question marks and equally small whitedad git of-
=============
I can tell the exact moment I started falling asleep- my handwriting suddenly becomes much smaller, my hand not pressing so hard on the page, suddenly making littler and littler sense- and then it abruptly becomes indecipherable.

Sometimes I wonder why exactly we are here- what higher power (or what method of evolution) decided to place us upon this earth?
Why am I here? What will I do to change the lives of others?
Who, essentially, am I?

I am especially concerned with that question because I am a natural actor (my family has called me one since I’ve been little, I am not trying to toot my own horn), and I tend to take bits and pieces of others’ mannerisms and adopt them as my own. I have done this for so long now that I sometimes wonder who I really am, what my personality is like. Forget those stupid quizzes- I know enough about psychology that I can rig it and answer how I’d like to be, rather than how I am.
That’s why I’m doing the midnight drabbles. I am hoping (if Freud was right) that maybe a bit of my ‘id’, my primal conciousness, will maybe take shape and show me something.
In any case, it’s a great place to take song lyrics/painting ideas from.

Will write more later.

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