fenestrial staircases

7 Jan

Haha Ryan, that is the best word ever.

Well, Fauberge fell for Shuggie. It was pretty inevitable, really, and I’m quite amazed that I’m not as hurt by it as I am. Sure, I feel a little sad/jealous, but it’s not enough to make me cry.
And I think (AHAHA NEW CODENAMES) Hove and Taschen are really helping. I think I can leave Shuggie in the past; today it wasn’t real weird talkin’ to him, it wasn’t really weird sittin’ by him sittin’ with Fauberge. It was heartrending, the look in his eyes, though, and the little stutter- I will never have that side of him presented to me, but that’s something I’ve got to accept.
But Taschen. Taschen. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me about Taschen- I’m going to leave him in my head for the moment, at least until the mysteries around him start to clear up.
Hove is a different story. He is wonderful and I don’t know what to do about him either.
Goddammit, love is fuckin’ ridiculous. I’d rather live a life without it, but it would be lonely and terrible.

Maybe. Maybe eventually I will find someone who thinks I am awesome; thinks I am wonderful, etcetera, etcetera.
It’ll come. I’ll wait.


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