all under the boughs unbound

26 Dec

well,

I should be getting to sleep but for some reason I find the time is slipping by me, evading my tremulous grasp- but I don’t want to abandon the light because sometimes I find stuff in the dark I never want to see again.

i used to have nightmares
about vampires.
and about falling off of things, losing things, always losing things- I believe everything there is has a sort of personality, latent perhaps for inanimate objects, but still there, and to lose something is to somehow snuff that personality, let it dissolve into mist

oh, sometimes I dream about things I could never put into words, but the images last in my head for days, weeks, years

and no media I can create in can help me, at least until I learn how to release those images from my cerebellum.

in the last weeks I’ve been pondering movie-making

and I might do it, I might. It would be interesting. I would have to get Bortglomt and Agaetis to be my actors. Maybe. I would film darkly, without the proper exposure, the gritty side of filmmaking, the unfinished

there is, you know, a sort of assymetrical beauty to the unfinished, the abandoned, a sort of thing that calls out to you to touch, to finish, to complete however your mind dictates, but there is also the deep sadness underneath-

ahah, an undercurrent of the sorrows of our nature, the deep ripcurrent that pulls so many visionaries out and tears them away from life=

I will not be one of those visionaries, I know.  But occasionally I am worried.

now is not one of those times, however.

and I will stride on.

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