a vortex of confused utterances

4 Nov

I just don’t know what to do with myself. Last night was an okay party, but I tend to have sudden, crushing existential crises during parties where there are distinct groups of people walking around. I like parties in an enclosed space where you have a sort of anoymity. You don’t worry about what anyone thinks anymore, and can let yourself go…
But that was not the case last night, so I sat on the staircase and waited for someone to walk by to whom I could talk to.
Like Tweed (assumed name). Tweed and I have a sort of strange awkward friendship that currently consists of me trying to make conversation and him walking away as soon as there is a pause. It is frustrating. I would like to, perhaps, be friends and talk about things, but he seems to have abandoned that idea entirely.
I will move on, but it will take time and many cups of coffee to do so.
So as you have probably surmised by now, I have not had any romantic relations with either sex (and I am not attracted to other girls in the least) and am kind of getting antsy about it. My best friends in the universe have all had boyfriends, no matter how irresponsible they turn out to be. They constantly tell me “aww, it’s alright not to have been kissed” and other such slovos, but goddammit I’m freakin’ impatient and I would sincerely like to know just what it feels like to have someone do that to you.
Well, done venting. I feel a lot better now, like a little weight’s been lifted off my chest.
But I think that’s enough writing for now. I’m going to go back to sleep.

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